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Perhaps You Should Read the Instructions.

May 1, 2009

Warning – Kid Story

You know that it is going to be a weird day when the first thing you see in the morning is your husband in conference with the kids well before their usual wake up time. After a brief investigation, I discovered that my son had been indiscriminately pushing buttons on the old clock radio that my husband gave the kids. As a result, he inadvertently set the alarm on said clock radio. This morning before dawn, the kids were awakened by the radio blaring.

Since the ceiling fan was on they couldn’t turn on the light using the switch and they couldn’t find the pull-cord in the dark. They also couldn’t use the flashlight because my son had once again left it on until the batteries were dead. So my daughter was trying to silence the radio with a book light not knowing which button turned the alarm off. In their panic, they managed to turn on both alarms so not only was the radio blasting but it was also beep, beep, beeping at them. Did I mention all this occurred before dawn? Long story short, they did get the radio to shut up, but not before everyone in the house was wide awake.

Moral of the story: Don’t punch the buttons if you don’t know what they do.

Warning – Knitting Story

You would think that after the number of projects I had ripped out due to my own brainlessness, I would have learned my lesson. I really have knitted enough sweaters to understand the fairly standard placement for increases at every fourth row. I also really do know that there is a difference between “work 3 rows” and “knit three rows” as well as a difference between instructions for flat knitting and knitting in the round. I know these things. I really do. And yet I spent my evening ripping out 3 inches of sweater because I was too clueless to realize there was a difference between “work 3 rows” and “knit three rows”. I was also too blind to notice that the increases on the sweater were much too far apart until I had knitted three increase rounds incorrectly. Furthermore, I was too short-sighted to realize what a monstrous tangle three inches of ripped knitting would make if I didn’t rewind it as I went.

Moral of the story: Read the instructions, stupid. Twice, perhaps even three times.

Warning – Neighbor story

Later this morning, my dog was barking like mad. It took a few minutes to locate the source of her distress. My eighty-something year old next-door-neighbor was chasing another dog1 from his yard with his golf cart and a pump action pellet rifle. About time that annoying dog got what was coming to him. I felt like applauding.

Too bad the neighbor was having such a hard time getting the thing pumped properly. Perhaps reading the instructions was in order again. He didn’t land nearly as many shots as I would have liked but apparently the ones he did land made an impression on the dog.

Moral of the story: Don’t mess with the old dude on the golf cart.

1This is the same dog who killed my ducks and most of my chickens. The same one who poops on my front walk. The one who plays in the streets resulting in the neighbors plowing into my power pole. And the one who chases cars and terrorizes the postal carrier. The dog deserved far worse than a couple of shots with a pellet gun.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. knitterbeader permalink
    May 1, 2009 3:21 pm

    I’m sorry, but your post had me roaring. I’m sure you didn’t think some of those events were so funny (at least at the time)!! Anyway, sounds like you have things under control once again and can get back to that sweater.

  2. Lynne permalink
    May 1, 2009 5:52 pm

    I’m sorry – I agree with knitterbeader: those things are amusing when they happen to someone else.

    I remember as a child my music box [the kind where you lift the lid and the dancer twirls] started in the middle of the night – I would have been in big trouble except I was in bed asleep! Turns out the concave lid ws a little too deep and slowly the doll had been able to turn and the music box worked even with the lid down! I wasn’t allowed to wind it up after that! :-(

    BTW, My word verification is buriuml [“bury ’em all”] – perhaps that’s what you’d like to do with pesky neighbourhood dogs!

  3. Daisy permalink
    May 10, 2009 3:02 pm

    You should live here – that dog’s owner would definitely have been prosecuted under the anti-social behaviour laws and the dog probably taken away from him! The story with your children and the alarm is hilarious!

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